NO “TELEPHONES”. TALK TO EACH OTHER. FACE TO FACE ONLY. WRITE A LETTER. SEND A TELEGRAM TO YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 1860. LIVE.
NO ‘WRITING’… TALK TO EACH OTHER. THROW A ROCK AT YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 10,000 BCE. LIVE.
URGGA. ROU GRAAURH. RUH.
<SMACKS HANDS ON WALL WITH PAINT.>
NO ‘HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS’ …USE YOUR REPTILIAN BRAIN
EAT YOUR MOM’S CORPSE SHE DIED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH SUSTENANCE
PRETEND YOU HAVE JUST AROSE FROM THE SEA
NO “MULTICELLULAR TRAITS”….. USE YOUR SYMBIOTIC MITOCHONDRIA
REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY, YOU’RE YOUR OWN PARENT
PRETEND IT’S 2BYA
NO “LIFE.” USE FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICAL FORCES TO FORM SPHERICAL OBJECTS REVOLVING AROUND ONE ANOTHER IN SPACE.
FUSE HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM USING GRAVITATIONAL PRESSURE TO PRODUCE HEAT AND LIGHT.
PRETEND IT’S 4.5BYA.
STABILIZE INTO EQUILIBRIA
NO “MATTER”. EXIST IN THE VOID WITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANING.
THERE IS NO “YOU”, ONLY THE VAST CONCEPT OF NOTHING.
TIME DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel like something really important just happened
(Source: agirlandhisplatypus, via shotyoeri)
Either this family has no idea how green screen souvenir photos work or they know EXACTLY how they work.
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now
"Haha! Americans don’t have free healthcare!"
Yeah it’s actually a serious problem people are literally dying can this stop being a silly nationalistic insult?
"DC fans are just angry because 8 Marvel movies come out in-between each Batm- I mean DC movie."
"Welcome to Supernatural, the straightest of straight shows with absolutely no homoerotic subtext whatsoev- "
"Well, I mean, maybe that’s just coincid-"
this is the fourth time ive reblogged this today and i have no regrets
You forgot this totally ‘subtexted’ scene
Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?
"tea is just leaf water!" "yeah well coffee is just bean water!" wow, it’s. it’s like everything is made of things. this door is just wood rectangle. this poster is just ink paper. this lemonade is just lemon water. wow, it’s like you can combine ingredients to make things that are more enjoyable than the initial parts of the equation. sure is a magical world we live in
if you’re ever feeling down about ur parents doing a shit job,
just know my mum and dad thought my birthday was the 14th of August for the first 6 years of my life, and literally my entire family celebrated it on that day. It wasn’t until they enrolled me at school they checked my birth certificate again,
my birthday is on the 11th.
I’m sorry I laughed.
fully prepared to fight for sex ed till i keel over dead
|severus snape:||james potter's cruelty and humiliation really scarred me for life lmfao what are you doing neville you useless piece of 11 year old piece shit everyone lets laugh at neville OHHH OHHH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS 11 YEAR OLD NEGLECTED PARENTLESS NERD HARRY HE THINKS HES SO GREAT AND HE JUST RUINED THE THIRD POTION HES EVER MADE LMFAO WOW james potter was so cruel he was the devil
Look, if you nicely tell me that swearing makes you uncomfortable and you politely ask me not to, I will stop immediately and speak nicer than a nun.
But if you start acting like you’re on some fucking high horse, or telling me that I’m going to Hell for talking the way that I do and you can’t “be around that kind of language” then you can bet your motherfuckin’ ass that I’ll be fucking cussing like a cunt-fuckin’ sailor you maggot-ridden piece of dick.
a little girl in the grocery store just asked me if i was a princess because my dress was pretty and i said everyone’s a princess and she pointed to her dad and asked if he was a princess too and her dad said yep its true im a princess and she looked so happy idk it was adorable